READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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