I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
