Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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