Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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