Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
