i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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