You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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