my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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