I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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