doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
