The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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