a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
