I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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