my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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