ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
