I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This house was built for laser tag.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
