Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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