I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
