final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Enjoy the penises
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
