Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
