So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
