i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
