Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
