just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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