i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
