Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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