Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I love having hate sex.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
