I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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