I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
