i jhust puked up my retainher.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
