dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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