I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
