I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
