Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Randomize
