I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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