I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
