It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how do flat chested girls get laid?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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