You really coming over, don't trick.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
