I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
