he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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