I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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