At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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