She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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