Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
