hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
