Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
