I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
