omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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