Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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