Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
